My uni has a unisex toilet beneath the plaza. I don’t use that toilet much because I don’t go to the main campus a lot - I am down at the Medical Centre all the time, except on certain days when I need to co-ordinate first year Biology.

But anyway, behind these toilet doors, it’s almost like a template, or a forum; most of all, a place for you to write, vent, rant, and express your feelings. It’s sort of a form of entertainment for those doing their business in the toilet, and a safe place for people to say what they normally don’t get to say in public.

1. Express your love for meat:

Let everyone know your favourite food, because someone might drop off 200g of bacon for you the next day. Or.. do you mean… meat, as in.. er.. er.. nvm.

2. Let people know who you are:

The society can be so judgemental it is hard to express ourselves sometimes. Stick a fluorescent sticker with bold printing and let the world know who you really are!

3. Tell people that they are stupid:

Sometimes, you can be the smartest in the class, but nobody knows because you never get the chance to prove how smart you really are. This might be the best place. And remember to reference because smart, honest students do not plagiarize.

4. Tell the world how much you love your partner:

Roses, chocolates, love letters and sex are over-rated. Let the world know “how deep is your love” for your partner, crush, boyfriend, mistress, spare tyre, whatever.

5. Hook Ups:

Some people who have social issues might find it hard to pick up girls in public places, or some girls might feel way to shy to be picked up. Write down your contact and when you get enough contacts, you can choose who you want to see or go out with! How cool is that?

6. Tell people how big your tool is:

You might have a big tool, but no one knows because you hide it under two layers of clothes (provided you wear underwear), so why not put it to full use and satisfy those ladies whose boyfriend might have a tiny tool? Make sure when you write, you add 3 inches more than measured to give that extra “oomph”.

7. Show off:

<same picture as above>

If you think you have a bigger tool, even if it’s only 1mm longer (with a probability error of 1.0), just show off! Tell people that yours is bigger! And remember, be polite - leave your number and kids, remember what mummy always say? ALWAYS say, “please”.