Lessons Learned Part 1: Fear

I remember sitting at a coffee shop outside Central with Kerry, just slightly under a year ago when I told her everything that I wanted to do and all this big dream I had. Kerry being Kerry, she nodded, listened and gave me advice with much patience and very carefully encouraged me but subtly telling me to be careful about dreaming too big and start nowhere.

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You learn to live when you learn to die

About a month ago, I was invited to contribute to a US-based campaign, ‘What’s your calling?‘ – and without realising how busy life would become, I said yes, but I have to say it is good to be able to reflect on all the important stuff amongst all the clouds.

The question asked is exactly what the title of the campaign is, “What’s your calling?”. I’m not at all a religious person, so a calling to me is really a very personal thing. It all started when I stared death in the eyes even if not quite literally or directly.

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Soften The Fck Up

7 years ago, my best friend died of drowning. For 3 months, I questioned about life and how can I live a conscious, fulfilled life. It was the hardest thing I had to go through, and I vowed that no one should go through the death of a loved ones.

For a young person to lose their life due to a car accident or disease, its the failure of the medicine or the system, or pure carelessness or stupidity, but for a young person to die of suicide, its a failure of humanity.

Two years ago, I sat down with a typical Aussie bloke – a popular, high-achieving young men who were both good in academia and sports – who shared with me his silent struggle with mental illness since he was in high school. He did not get a diagnosis for at least 4 years because he never would have thought that a man can get a mental illness.

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What’s Stopping You?

This post is inspired by Jenny’s recent post on being awesome in life. It’s funny that I can laugh at this now but if you have shown this to me last year, I would have given you a smirk, agreed with what you said and thought in my head, “easier said than done, amigo”.


I seem to be able to tell people you don’t need to wait for permission to be awesome, or to do the things that you want to do, but when it comes to it, I am constantly afraid of how people will judge me and if I will offend or make someone feel threatened. The latter is a definitely the primary reason stopping me from doing some of the things I really want to do. It took a lot of talking to myself, curating my social circle and reflections to be comfortable with taking calculated risks. Afterall, what is the worst case scenario?

“No one wants to die, even people who want to go to Heaven don’t want to die to get there.

And yet, death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it.

And that is as it should be. Because death is very likely the single best invention of life.

It’s life’s change agent; it clears out the old to make way for the new.

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma, which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice, heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”

Steve Jobs’ 2005 Stanford Commencement Address


So, what’s stopping us from making that jump? What’s stopping us from being the best that we can be and do what we love doing? After Ryan’s death, I told myself that I won’t let anyone or anything stop me from being the best that I can be, but somehow, I might have lose a little bit of that courage – maybe its aging! But over the past month, it has been incredibly inspiring to be able to reflect on what is important to me and what isn’t – and what path I want to choose for myself so that I know I can have make a positive impact on the lives of the people around me. I’ve moved 4 different cities and 2 different countries all by myself within the last 10 years, and have done relatively well. In fact, I have exceeded my expectation of myself in every place that I have moved to.

My amazing mentor, Kerry Graham, once told me, if I ever not do anything awesome, I’m being selfish – because I have the capacity, connections and courage to. I tucked that advice at the back of my mind for almost 3 months, but she’s right. And John Wood gave me two great advice:
1. Don’t ask permission, apologise later.
2. Get Shit Done (GSD).

So, what have I learned these past few months?

1. Start small, let it evolve.
You might think you’re not the ideas person, but sometime just one simple statement and the willingness to listen can transform it into an idea that could change the world. Let it evolve. Keep your head firmly on your shoulder, heart warm and ears open.

2. Stop waiting for the permission
You have every reason and every capacity to take that leap, the more you wait, the more its not going to happen, and the more time you’ve wasted.

If there’s one thing I’ll ever regret, it’s to die tomorrow and didn’t at least do what I wanted to do.

3. Have a mentor
or a few mentors. These are people who are able to give you valuable advice both personally and professionally. Kerry and Aleem are two mentors I am forever honoured to have. There are also lots of mentors that have had a profound impact on my life, personally and professionally, whom I will never be able to thank enough like @StaceyMonk, @JackHeath, Mark Creyton, Adam Smith, amongst many, many others who I have had the pleasure to work with.

4. Find inspirations
Sometimes, people share with you some very personal stories – stories that they would have never told anyone before, or stories that only a few people get the honour of hearing. Don’t waste them, use this inspiration to guide you to use all that you have to affect someone else’s life for the better.

A wise man once said: It’s not everyday you get to save a life, but everyday is an opportunity to affect one.

5. Do epic shit. And get shit done.

What’s stopping you?

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This is an interesting and highly relevant workshop especially for those who are working in the university. As more and more university increase their community engagement strategy, this talk might shed some light on how universities can optimise the potential of the incredible amount of young people in their institutions, and the leadership and awesomeness (for lack of better words) of these young people.


*Click for larger view*


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I got a call to inform me that my god mother has passed away peacefully, although unexpectedly last night. The pain of losing someone you love doesn’t get any easier. If she had waited for another 2 weeks, I would have been able to see her for the last time, but alas, I sit here, mourning my loss with the rest of QLD as we battle the worst flood in many, many years.


Over 10 people have died and more than 60 are still missing. For those who are worried about me, I am safe, high up the ground and staying very dry! The sun is shining, but the worse of the flood is yet to come. So, what can you do? Photo Gallery


Stay informed
- For a visual representation of roadblocks, flooding, potential flooding and evacuation: QLD Floods Map Visage
- Twitter: follow @QPSmedia @612brisbane @abcnews @brisbanecityqld @brisbanetimes @couriermail
Follow the hashtags #QLDFloods #QLDFlood #TheBigWet #BNEFloods #BNEFlood
- Facebook: Queensland Police Service, Brisbane City Council
- News: ABC News, ABC News 24 (for LIVE 24 hours news)


Donate and Volunteer
- Donate: QLD Premier Appeal, Bendigo Bank Flood Appeal
- Volunteer: Volunteering QLD CREW Form, Youngcare is also looking for qualified carers – email kodonnell@youngcare.com.au for details, Mission Australia Flood Clean Up Volunteeres


Resources
- Check Brisbane City Council’s website to see if your area is or might be affected.
- Storage King is offering free pickup and storage for all those in QLD and North NSW affected by the flood – call 1 800 STORAGE (1800 786 724)
- If you are, or know anyone who is in distress, call Lifeline at 13 11 14 or check out www.reachout.com
– Disaster Recovery Hotline: 1800 173 349
- State Emergency Service: 132 500


I’ll continue to tweet from @ehon and try to update as much as I can.

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