Speaking of stories in my previous post, here’s a story I have wanted to share. This email arrived in my inbox the night I gave a presentation at a local TAFE in Brisbane.


(TAFE is a vocational education institute in Australia.)

I’ve been talking about this idea for a few weeks now and its been on my mind for quite some time. Young men makes up 4 out of 5 of all suicide, and suicide remains the leading cause of death amongst young people. Suicide is the number 1 cause of death for men under the age of 34 and there is a lack of support that addresses young men’s needs and nature. I really wanted to change this, and change the culture of “real men”. I shared this at a conference, at a few other events I have presented and last week at a TAFE.


Everyone were really supportive of the idea and everyone bombarded me with ideas and stories and I received another half a dozen of emails from the audience.


I got this email from one of the audience, and with his permission, here is his story:

So i grew up down in Melb, the youngest of 3 boys, with my parents migrating from Scotland to start their family. Parents still together til this day, and I had a very stable happy childhood. Throughout school, i was well liked by my fellow students and didn’t receive much bullying (I wasn’t out at school, as i wasn’t sure yet). I guess some students thought i was gay, and the occasional taunt was thrown around, but i had a good friendship group and didn’t let it bother me to much.
Finishing school at year 11, i went to work in the hospitality industry and figured out that i was gay. I was happy enough with my sexuality, just keeping it to myself and a few close friends.


Just after i’d turned 17, i had meet my first boyfriend (25yrs old), who seemed great to start off with, i’d meet him through the internet. We proceeded to date for a while and began a relationship. Not to my knowledge at the time, but he was an ex con, and had been in and out of jail. I was experimenting with drugs, due to his influence. About 2 months into the relationship he started to become very possessive and violent. He had been kicked out of his share house and was staying with me at my parents. One night after another argument, he had taken my car and i had to get my dad to pick me up from work, when we got home my parents wanted to know what was going on. So i proceeded to tell them I was gay, that the guy staying with us was my boyfriend and he was very physically abusive towards me, and that i was using drugs fairly heavily.


It was a lot for them to take, dad being strict catholic and quite reserved, it was a big shock to him, but he was more concerned that someone was hurting his son. That night my boyfriend had come back with my car and asked me to meet with him, i did to and another beating occurred. I ended up in hospital again, called my parents and requested them to leave a bag of my clothes out the front of the house, as i was leaving to go to (South Australia) SA with Tim. This was extremely hard for my parents to deal with, but they obliged and under Tim’s mental control, i left with him to SA. For the next few months we moved from SA – Syd – Melb, the beating were occurring a few times a week. I was to scared to leave and felt completely at a loss.


On my 18th birthday, i was beaten on and off for about 12 hours, had an ambulance called and them was told to tell them that i didn’t need them. After another hour or so, Tim had called a friend to take me to the hospital. I spent the remained or my 18th in the Hospital, then headed back to my parents. I once again went back with Tim and the abuse continued. A few months later, we had just rented a place together and i was moving the remainder of my stuff out of my parents. By this stage neither of my brother or my father was talking to me, due to the fact i kept going back to Tim. I didn’t know what i was doing, i was scared for me, for my family and friends, and using drugs daily.


After leaving my parents for the last time, i then got into another argument with Tim, and it was then that i decided the only way to get away from him, was to take my own life, i bought as much heroin as i could and went to the new apartment we were moving into (Tim wasn’t there) i wrote a number of suicide notes to members of my family and friends, i took over $200 worth of Heroin, thinking it would kill me. Thankfully it didn’t. Tim had turned up after around an hour or so, after me taking the drugs, i was still alive, but very out of it. He proceeded to beat me, kick me down 3 flights of stairs, stripped me naked and made me walk down Fitzroy St, St Kilda (an extremely busy restaurant/cafe/bar precinct in Melb), whilst i was walking naked down the road, blood pouring out of me, he was behind me calling me every horrible name under the sun, whilst everyone seemed to laugh. It was at the last restaurant of the street, (before we were in darkness where i believed he would finish me off), that 2 waiters ran out of the restaurant and covered me in a table cloth and the police and ambulance came screaming down the street. Tim was arrested and jailed for 6 months, I was taken to Hospital, then moved in with my aunt for a few weeks, then back to my parents.


Shortly after being back at home, me and mum saw a councillor, and he put me in touch with a group called young and gay, a peer support group for young men coming out to the community, ran by the VAC (Vic Aids Counsel). This gave me the break i needed and Tim was safely away from me. I began to make new friends and got good jobs. The next 4 years were spent partying, working and sleeping around. I guess it all made me feel better about myself. Around my 21st, i got into my second serious relationship, with a great guy, moved to Geelong and made a life with him, he got me off the gear and got my life on track. After a cpl of years together, we moved on. It was then i decided to move to Brisbane, where a good girlfriend of mine was living. I made the move and continued working in hospitality.


Always in the back of my mind I’ve thought i wished there was someone who i could have connected with and seeked help/advice from during my difficult period with Tim. After finally having enough of hospitality, i decided i’d do what i’d wanted to for years and get into an industry where i can help young ppl in need, possible in the situation i was in. So I decided to take on studying Dip of Youth Work. Which leads me to where i’m at today.


I’m now a very happy confident, fun loving gay man. Who would like to try and make a different to the gay youth of today, and let them know that its OK to be gay and show them that you can make life what you want it to be, even after tough times. Also to break down the sterotypes of gay men and to try to stop homophobia in high schools and the general community. My past is my past and is behind me now, i wouldn’t wish it on anyone, but it made me the man i am today.

I spent 3 hours speaking to this group of young people about social change and action. These are people who have battled some serious issues in their life ranging from rape to homelessness, but they are also people who have managed to turn their adversities into inspiration to continue their studies at TAFE so that they can “give back to the community”.


We also spoke about community organising and how we can activate people around us to bring about action, in a hyperconnected world. We also spoke about small actions and big action, and what these mean to the big picture of “social change” and we spoke about the power of inspirations and unreasonable ideas.


I received an email from one of the girls who have gone on to organise a petition for more support for young mum. The guy who sent me the above email has gone on to write a letter to the producer of Neighbours (a popular Australian TV show). The show recently has a “men’s club” where the rules are, real men do not talk about emotions and do not speak about tough times.


What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.


*Name changed to protect identity.


If you’re going through a tough time, get help:
Reach Out – info on issues youth faces
Kids Helpline – 24 hours helpline / web counseling for young people age 25 and below – anonymous and free from Landline and Optus